In Generous Lust, I quoted:
In women, mating goals boosted public— but not private— helping. ... In men, it did induce more helpfulness in contexts in which they could display heroism or dominance. ... Overall, romantic motives seem to produce highly strategic and sex-specific self-presentations best understood within a costly signaling framework.
In Far Thoughts Fit Ideals, I said:
We tend more to say we will act in accord with our verbally expressed and proudly embraced abstract ideals, e.g., individualism, collectivism, universalism, environmentalism, when we are put into the mental mode that was designed more for talking relative to doing - the far mode. In contrast, when we are in our usual near mode ... we tend to ignore those abstract ideals, ... practically achieving our usual ends.
I asked:
In what sense, if any, are folks who act these ways mistaken about what they want?
I'll say we tend to be mistaken about how much our wants depend on contextual details. As I said in Generous Lust:
The disturbing thing is that these folks were probably unaware that their generosity was caused in large part by romantic feelings. They probably thought they just wanted to help, not that they wanted to help especially when it might impress potential mates.
We tend to talk as if we "really" want to follow our ideals but are sometimes thwarted by "distractions" or "weakness of will." But we probably favor our ideals more when:
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